This is your Brain on the Internet
By Daniel Robin
“Outside of a dog, a network is a man’s best friend; inside of a dog it’s too dark to see the keyboard.” – Anonymous
Those of us who are aware of the dopamine affect of e-gizmos, the powerfully addictive substance contained in the palm of your hand, desktop or laptop computer, find that more of a challenge than the original challenge — the art of effective interpersonal relating. In this article, we offer some tips to help you make this blend of social relating and technology a powerful and reliable resource in your business toolkit.
When you think of the Internet – that vast array of machines that approximate a working prototype of the “information superhighway” – and you think of it’s earliest and perhaps most popular application, electronic mail, what springs to mind? Propeller-beanies twirling, students looking for trouble, or avaunt-guard political forums? Certainly they’re part of the story. The vast majority of the two million new users per month, however, are there to work and collaborate and build bridges.
Over the past few years, the Internet has become an important part of business and commerce – and not just in high-tech industries. Who knows when you’ll encounter someone who insists that you do business over the Net? It sure doesn’t hurt to be prepared. Still, for many, the highway and the rules that govern its use are very much in . . .formation.
The Pros and Cons of Getting Wired
What’s so great about the Internet (or a subset called Usenet, America Online, CompuServe, etc.)? Aside from its capacity to disseminate information quickly to and from some 25 million sites in over 130 countries, it has reached a level of exponential growth, now estimated at 81% per year, that will probably transform the way we do business. Unlike radio and television, it’s a two-way communication channel for exchanging information and ideas, where users are both consumers and producers.
In addition to being more-or-less environmentally correct, it also acts as a great equalizer between diverse technologies (Mac or IBM) as well as diverse peoples. For example, the hearing impaired, people from any economic, social or professional position, culture, or geographic region can all connect as peers.
One of its greatest advantages also presents a challenge: nobody “owns” the Internet, so its use and potential for unlimited expansion are largely unregulated. For now, that means the regulators are us. This is at once empowering and dangerous. The sociopathic behavior of a few can cause an entire network to notwork.
Two additional challenges are that not everyone who would like to participate has access, and that the human factors paving this highway still contain a few dirt clods and potholes. So it is with most innovations.
Private messages sent via electronic mail (E-mail) are used widely and occasionally get people into trouble. The remainder of this article will focus on ways to either get in deeper or stay out of trouble, depending on your goal.
The Keys to Effective E-mail are not on Your Keyboard
The keys to using E-mail for business and personal success (surprise!) come from you. E-mail, like any communication tool, can be used to destroy or create. E-mail is just as useful for building bridges and effective teamwork as it is for socializing. There are countless stories of how people meet and eventually get romantic courtesy of net-based, low-risk flirting. Electronic mail helps people get in touch or stay in touch who otherwise might be unable.
I See the Words, But What Do They Mean?
Although private messages sent via electronic mail arrive much faster than surface “snail” mail, E-mail is still a long way from “being there.” The biggest challenge with this medium is that a written message requires the reader to hallucinate nonverbal behavior – gestures, voice tone and tempo, energy level, mood, etc., must come entirely from interpretation with minimal factual basis or visual cues.
For example, when you send a message, the recipient cannot tell how you’re feeling unless you say so, and even if you spell it out (“I am upset because. . .”) the intensity of your feelings (exactly how upset are you?) will be lost. All they get is your words and their prior hallucinations about who you are as a person. A surprising amount of what we actually communicate comes from the other person’s knowledge of who we are (context, history), and our nonverbal behavior. In other words, we are forced to interpret, and we’ll often interpret incorrectly.
A second challenge is that E-mail puts you in “tell” mode (tell it like it is, tell them off, tell them what to do) – and f you notice yourself starting to get irritated or upset, that’s when it becomes vitally important to shift into inquiry and curiosity about what the other person intends or knows or thinks – not lecture.
If you notice yourself getting dug in or angry in the face of something you just read on your computer screen, consider your options: (a) you can carefully write a response, (b) pick up the phone and call them, or (c) arrange for a face-to-face meeting. Just because this conversation started in E-mail doesn’t mean it has to end that way. Sending a nasty-gram (also known as “flaming” someone) can be emotionally satisfying in the moment but can also limit your options if you happen to damage your relationship or your reputation.
Head Over Heels
Typing at a computer tends to engage head and separate us from body awareness. Before you hit that RETURN key, check with your body. Feel any tightness or discomfort? Your body has wisdom that your head may want to access, and by using your body as a tuning fork – paying special attention to your midsection – it can serve you as a valuable reflector for the wisdom of sending that particular message at this moment to that list of recipients.
If you get a signal that says “No, better not” or you have any doubts whatsoever, check them out. Review your words and the recipient list to see if you can get to a green light.
If you cannot clear the discomfort, stop and ask yourself: “What’s my real goal in sending this message? Will this message likely get me what I want long term?” (For example, is retaliation what you really want?) You might decide to take option (b) or (c) above and not send the message at all. If you decide to file the message somewhere, notice how therapeutic it was just to write the damn thing. When you feel strong emotions coming on, the key is to buy yourself enough time and proceed with enough care that you can get what you really want.
