Containment — part 1 of 3
By Daniel Robin
“You can forget about that project … it will fail like all the rest.”
“Yeah, our morale has been down so long, even bottom is starting to look like up!”
A colleague just got told to “get off it” by his boss. What’s the “it”, exactly? He doesn’t really know, oddly enough, because the problem has been undiscussable and undefined from the start. Something about an “attitude problem.”
Negativity is a trance, often accompanied by a state of agitation, born of frustration, or energy-zapping depression – a predictable reaction to adversity, past trauma, or impending change … in the workplace, as in life, the key is to not get stuck there.
Sink or Swim — One Person’s Lemon is Another’s Lemonade
Two people could approach the exact same challenge; one will swim, the other, drown. The brain has a negativity bias as a survival mechanism. We often learn when there is a strong emotional component. Unfortunately, that form of “learning” is usually akin to difficult experiences we would prefer to forget, or at least never repeat, as opposed to the more generative and productive learning, which is centered on what is actually wanted instead of more pain, or at least staying afloat.
The more useful learning is about how to make the most of current circumstances, and what it will take to succeed, not how to avoid the thing you passionately dislike. Indeed, there are two approaches to any situation — the “problem” frame (staying clear of difficulty) and the “goal” orientation (achieving what’s wanted). The brain either moves away from problems or toward goals , or both in some combination, depending on the impetus for change. This motivation tends to shift as one approaches the perceived finish line. Indeed, using a goal-oriented approach also happens to be much more enjoyable, but problems (as perceived by the person who has them) deserve respect, too.
- The one having a tough time would filter out all the good stuff (“What good stuff?”) and pay exquisite attention to only the obstacles or difficulty. Often, this person’s reaction is more determined by their prior mood, stress, and energy levels than by the true severity of the issue. In extreme cases, the mood itself comes from habitually seeing the worst in everything – just lemons everywhere. If I pay attention to the clouds that accompany every stinking silver lining, eventually, there are only clouds.
- The one who would swim through the adversity will have the ability to step back, define the issue, look for root cause(s), evaluate options, and take action to change it or adjust to it. Even if it’s the wrong action, any sincere attempt to resolve the situation will be better than drowning in it.
Outlook or Outbreak
Let’s make a distinction between folks who stay in the negative out of habit – a negative predisposition – and those who occasionally find something major to complain about.
If a coworker who is usually positive and upbeat goes on a momentary tirade, suddenly gets afflicted with an outbreak of “this sucks and let me tell you why,” you know it’s for a reason, and can usually be sorted out. With half an invitation to vent, out it all comes, including whose fault it is, and then magically, just like the hijacking never occurred, normal breathing resumes and the person returns to their original upright position.
But if someone has been waking up on the wrong side of their life for months (or years?), they can “poison the pond” without even noticing how it is affecting others. Indeed, when down for the count, it would be momentarily satisfying if the entire department became just as disgusted as they are. Perhaps this inspired the saying “misery deserves company.”
We’re In This Soup Together
The “negatizer” is often so unpleasant to be around that few sane people would volunteer to coach or mentor them. First instincts would be to run away screaming, give quick “fix it” advice, or tell them to seek therapy. Keeping a healthy boundary (see boundaries for strategies) prevents their stuckness from spreading like a contagion. Of course, if you get hooked by or complain to a third party about this “difficult person,” yet another problem arises.
If you focus on what’s inside the “circle of influence” (and abandon what is not); it helps free up resources for rising above it. Next article: tips for getting there.
