By Daniel Robin
There is an age-old gap between management and those managed. Employees often suspect management’s motives and resent having authority imposed on them. Simultaneously, managers are … only human. Some try to delegate responsibility without authority (let go into structure and it works better). Others resist change or get side-tracked by office politics and unintentionally take prisoners.
Line supervisors and employees can either help close or widen the gap, and every day brings countless opportunities to practice and see what works. Roughly 90% of the time, a coaching approach – asking rather than telling, collaborative problem-solving, open and direct communication – will make a huge difference. Of course, not every employee wants to be “coached” … some will say, “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it … .”
The 10% of the time coaching won’t fly will require negotiation skills, with supervisors sometimes playing the diplomatic agent. If an employee already has a distrustful chip on their shoulder about management, an up-front negotiation will serve to form an agreement that either …
- Directly resolves the underlying issue or complaint (“You want what?”),
- Sets up a development plan to set expectations for future performance, or
- Helps the employee realize the company/position isn’t right for them, setting a reasonable timeframe for moving on.
The vast majority of employees, however, respond with tremendous appreciation for managers who even try to use some of these tips and techniques:
- Include employee by equalizing power during negotiations to obtain “willful, voluntary agreements.” Such agreements are more likely to be upheld fully. If the agreement does break down, it won’t be due to lack of buy-in.
- Avoid giving unsolicited advice. When an employee comes to you with a problem, step back and get some perspective. Say to yourself, “There’s probably a dozen ways to look at this … let’s try another one.” Steer clear of right-wrong thinking. Allow the employee to vent without rushing to a solution (sometimes venting is the solution). Eventually get at root cause by asking open-ended questions – especially those that start with “what,” and “how”. Refrain from giving advice unless explicitly asked for your opinion.
- Facilitate, don’t force a fix. Allow answers to tough problems to arrive in their own time; help employee hold the focus on finding a solution by setting an appointment in a day or so to meet and talk about it.
- Get permission. Respect their boundaries and you’ll get yours respected (or have a powerful basis for insisting that they do). Rely on your gut and use your intuition – listen for what isn’t said as well as what is. Check out your interpretations, assumptions, opinions: “I have a hunch about XYZ … can I run it by you?”
- Praise employees generously. Verbally acknowledge key accomplishments. Don’t get caught faking it – give specifics, highlight behaviors or results that you wish to strategically reinforce. Oh, Remember to say “thank you.”
- Give constructive feedback. You can be tough on an issue when your approach is solution-oriented. If you don’t feel like reinforcing the positive, wait until you can. At all costs, avoid the “blame frame” (fix problems, not people). Use the sandwich technique: highlight what’s working then what isn’t. Give your vote of confidence that the employee should have no trouble making the necessary improvements. Agree on “how you will both know” they are making progress.
These techniques help others feel heard, that you are willing to give and get, that there’s mutual respect. After all, we spend so much time working together, wouldn’t it be worth it to gain the trust and cooperation of the entire team? Skillful coaching, provided more often, can help.
For more on how and when to coach others, contact us.
