Category Archives: Articles

The Gentle Art of Confrontation

By Daniel Robin When you have a difficult message to convey to someone, how do you get them to listen non-defensively? This article explores methods of delivering so-called "bad news" with maximum effectiveness and minimum offensiveness. Consider the following situation at the office: a co-worker consistently deflects, resists, or lashes back each time you initiate an Continue Reading ...

Anger Management Self-Assessment

How often do you find yourself using these five strategies for dealing with anger? Rate each statement on the left using a scale from 1 to 10 (1 = never, 10 = every time): Score Approach Increase Decrease DIRECT: I get angry and decide to "go off" (express anger or the fact that you are angry) right on the spot. REFLECTIVE: I take time to reflect on Continue Reading ...

Does Anger Cause Blindness?

By Daniel Robin "God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people that piss me off." - Anon. Note:  If you relate to the above quote, but don't think it's funny, please go here immediately. The previous article discussed that what matters most in communication is what we get across to the other person. Continue Reading ...

Right-Wrong Thinking … is Just Plain Wrong

By Daniel Robin "It’ll never work, asserts Max, after reading the proposal. "What won’t work, Max? I’d like your input … or is it too difficult to let somebody else be right occasionally?," I ask. "Fine, you can be right all you want," sweeping his arm graciously, "-- but your idea stinks." "Hey, I’ve no interest in being right. I just want there to be room for us to openly and constructively Continue Reading ...

Trust: Part 3

Trust This: Five Ways to Be Reliable By Daniel Robin The last two parts of this article reframed "trust" as "being able to predict the other person's behavior," describing some of the dynamics that help you minimize the risks of counting on others. Like most facets of interpersonal relations, on this important two-way street called "trust-based relationships," you'll get where you want to go if Continue Reading ...

Trust: Part 2

Where Does Trust Come From? By Daniel Robin Trust, like respect, is earned. Think of it as an investment. You observe a person's behavior over time, and gradually decide whether or not to invest your trust in them. Though everyone initially deserves a base "line of credit," it would be unwise to rely on "just anybody" in high-risk situations. You wouldn't ask someone with no computer skills Continue Reading ...

Trust: Part 1

What's Trust Got To Do With It? By Daniel Robin Practically everything! Have you ever heard someone say "I just can't trust that person!" or "Hey, why don't you just trust me?" Trust is an odd thing: on the one hand, it's probably the single most important ingredient in successful relationships. On the other hand, partly because trust is in our heads -- a state of mind, an interpretation, a subjective Continue Reading ...

Not Just the Facts, Ma’am

By Daniel Robin "Hey, the boss is all upset," reports Todd, looking a bit worried. Curious to know what Todd observed, Nancy asks "How do you know the boss is all upset?" "Well," Todd explains, "I just saw her jumping up and down and pounding her fists on the desk. I’d say that means we’re in trouble." "Relax ...," says Nancy in reassuring tones, Continue Reading ...

Please Hallucinate the Way I Do

By Daniel Robin A study of expert communicators has provided a powerful set of distinctions to help us notice and adjust for our human tendency to interpret, distort or delete, generalize, and make assumptions. This article looks at the ways that we tweak information. We all tend to fill in the gaps from our own experience. This is also known as hallucinating. (Usually Continue Reading ...

The Meaning of your Communication is Its Effect

By Daniel Robin In communicating with other people, what matters more: what we intend to convey, or the actual response we get? Who is responsible for your communication? The meaning of our communication is not what we think it means. It is based on the response we get from the other person. It is pointless to insist on a meaning that is lost on the listener, especially when the response you get Continue Reading ...

Rapport: The Link to Gaining Cooperation

Or, "Stuff They Never Taught You in Driver’s Training" By Daniel Robin A friend of mine once said that driving in heavily populated parts of California is like being on heavy sedatives while simultaneously having an adrenaline rush. For many of us, the traffic patterns in industrialized regions are a lot like how we get things done in corporate bureaucracies: "hurry up and wait." The metaphor Continue Reading ...

Collaborative Workplace Advantage

By Daniel Robin In our workshops, we emphasize the skills of participatory management and collaborative leadership.  With collaborative approaches - in contrast with one-way, autocratic or dictatorial - leaders at all levels use an inclusive style that balances assertiveness (focus on goal or task achievement) with gaining cooperation and commitment (flexibility and consideration in relating to Continue Reading ...