Where Does Trust Come From?
By Daniel Robin
Trust, like respect, is earned. Think of it as an investment. You observe a person’s behavior over time, and gradually decide whether or not to invest your trust in them. Though everyone initially deserves a base “line of credit,” it would be unwise to rely on “just anybody” in high-risk situations.
You wouldn’t ask someone with no computer skills to create a spreadsheet of the company’s financial status (bite-sized projects and lots of quality mistakes come first). Likewise, it would be unfortunate to not trust someone who deserves it. If I’m risk-aversive, I might not see how competent and trustworthy you are. If I’m unable to let go, I’ll never know. Not taking risks can be just as risky.
We’ve previously defined trust as being able to predict the other person’s behavior. Consistency and reliability can be observed and measured; the idea of “trust” cannot — it’s subjective. Learn how people operate — where are they most predictable, where are they consistently able to get the desired result? — to form a risk-neutral basis for collaboration.
But people, like the weather, aren’t always predictable. And risks will remain — risks of misunderstanding, changed circumstances, and unforeseen events. We must balance focus on the task with building a valued relationship, courage in moving toward our goals with the consideration to involve and include others, healthy skepticism and downside planning with well-founded trust. Somewhere between total confidence and deep suspicion and fear.
Play to their Strengths
If you want a practical basis for leading your relationships toward greater trust and collaboration, form agreements that bring out people’s unique combination of strengths. Having clear goals isn’t enough; you want buy-in and commitment up front to serve as the structure for accountability, feedback, and continuous improvement.
As you pinpoint and play to strengths, weaknesses become irrelevant. If a perceived weakness (or what I prefer to call a “strength in training”) has you questioning their trustworthiness, set up an agreement that directly handles your concern. If the person grumbles at your apparent lack of trust, ask “How can we work this out so that … [you get credit for successful project completion … and I get to relax knowing you’ve handled it well]?” Agreements serve as a safety net for playing the medium- to high-risk game of business, and with contingency planning, can serve both parties in case things go wrong.
Though it may bring up genuine concerns to give a new priority project to someone who is undermotivated or as yet “unproven,” that might be exactly the reason to do so. The practice of stewardship delegation establishes clear guidelines, and through a negotiated agreement, sets people up for success. This prevents micro-managing and empowers people with authority, not just responsibility.
Feel the Fear and Lasso It Anyway?
Concerns are low-grade fears. Fear exists for a reason; it intends to protect from harm. A sign that you are still sane, fear represents something you don’t want — a negative consequence that’s worth avoiding or preventing. Sometimes a fear needs to be surfaced and addressed — unearth the consequence you want to avoid, assess the actual risk vs. potential reward, and do something to mitigate that risk. At other times, it’s best to just acknowledge a concern and let it be — such as, when there’s anxiety, confusion, vague uncertainty or doubt, but not much chance that things will go really wrong. You can ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” and then formulate a plan to safely avoid that consequence.
Fear is a motivational strategy, and recognizing that it is present increases its usefulness. Note, however, that there’s a big difference between carefully avoiding an outcome you don’t want (like death, embarrassment, or being audited by the IRS — all worthy of taking preventative measures) and simply being afraid. It’s not much fun to be “in” (enveloped by) fear, so notice it and perhaps say to yourself “fear is present,” so you can lasso it.
When it comes to building relationships based on trust, a certain amount of discomfort or “edge” is probably a good sign. Stretching away from your comfort zone is the antidote to complacency. In the end, getting past your fear is less frightening than passively enduring it. As Will Rogers said, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
By the way, an anti-fear trick learned from the animal kingdom: breathe deeply….
Tips for Becoming More Reliable
If you want others to consider you trustworthy, focus on your own reliability. This is the topic for the next article. Really. I promise.
