How to Create and Maintain Healthy Workplace Boundaries — part 1 of 3
By Daniel Robin
“So what happened to you? It’s like you’ve gone M.I.A. … missing for weeks….”
“My job ate my life,” Tom sighed, as the two high-tech workers sipped their half-decaf cappuccinos.
Katie asks politely, “May I offer a suggestion? Push back a little. Your life is more important.”
“Yeah, but I’m actually into it,” Tom explained, “plus, there’s so much to do – ”
“Great, glad you are on a roll, and there always will be tons to do in your work,” she says with a wink. “You know you won’t do anybody any good if you fry.”
Like two nations caught in a territory dispute, human boundaries are invisible – and often violated. Boundaries are limits that are always present, spoken or unspoken, honored or overstepped. A so-called “healthy” boundary reflects balance between distance and intimacy, between time spent working and at leisure, between your interests and mine.
Where Have All the Boundaries Gone?
Do you remember a time before there was traffic? (Me neither, but I read about it.) When our cities were uncrowded, when the next town was a major journey, and the moon was … inconceivable? Now there’s fax technology and the Internet, the population explosion and jet travel … we are literally one big, gnarly community.
Why then, you may ask, don’t we act like one? Probably because we’re literally in each other’s face, and it takes conscious effort to work out the healthy boundary thing. Also, the rules aren’t as clear as in nature, where animals set boundaries by marking out their unique territory. In the workplace … well, it’s not quite so obvious.
With healthy interpersonal and personal/professional boundaries you can…
- Do your best work, contribute sustainably, ensuring adequate reward for your efforts. A healthy personal/professional boundary is the subtle key to maintaining life balance: work at your commitments, do not “over-perform” or say “yes” to unreasonable requests. Get clear on your limits and powerfully express them.
- Get results with literally anyone – even people you don’t happen to like, or with whom you seem to disagree
- Work well with those who have lousy boundaries. For example, take a coworker who has been staying late several evenings each week, and then snaps at you because you aren’t. Or the “human can-opener,” prying into your personal affairs, or trying to “fix” you when you just wanted to talk about a problem (vent). Then there’s the “time bandit” who doesn’t mind stealing your day, “Really, just 5 minutes” at a time.
At first you can probably just ignore them, then give a subtle non-verbal hint like glancing at your watch and raising an eyebrow. If that doesn’t work, speak up and politely assert your healthy boundary. Otherwise, you’ll be “taken prisoner”, and the victim-victimizer chain will spread.
Its important to speak up about garden-variety interpersonal boundaries – when someone steps on toes, breaks a policy, or blows an agreement. Being direct demands respect.
Permission is Better than Forgiveness
How’s your skill at honoring other people’s boundaries? Do you remember to “ask permission” before invading their personal space? For example, when initiating a conversation, do you ask “Is this a good moment?” or “Do you have about 10 minutes to go over your comments or should I come back after lunch?” or “Are you open to discussing this project right now?”
No matter what their response, this says you are aware that you are interrupting, you want their full attention, and are willing to hear their truth.
Healthy boundaries are essential to getting things done and building relationships that last. Indeed, the practice of skillfully setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is as close to a “magic ticket” as anything I know.
With healthy limits, you safely go about doing your best work; without them, either you or the company will eventually take a hit. What’s one boundary you’ll set this week?
Continue with Part 2: Skills to Set and Maintain Healthy Workplace Boundaries
or check out our Health Boundaries Self-Assessment
