By Daniel Robin
Does your workplace support your personal growth? I’m not asking if your boss lets you listen to Tony Robbins tapes or attend EST workshops on company time; I am asking if ….
- You’re rewarded more for learning than for having the right answer
- You’re recognized for handling a personal issue with minimal disruption, rather than being criticized for having it in the first place
- You hold yourself accountable to your agreements, and in case you miss the mark, or make a mistake, you’re not just made wrong for it, but you’re supported by getting constructive feedback to improve how you do next time.
Given both your strengths and your yet-to-be-developed strengths (formerly known as weaknesses), do your daily responsibilities encourage you to stretch and grow to the utmost? Or perhaps you’ve “been there, done that” — outgrown growth — and just want to collect a paycheck.
As interpersonal skills become increasingly more important to business success, the thin line between personal and professional development is fast disappearing. The technical skills and industry expertise you possess allows you to keep pace and maintain your career; the people side can get you where you want to go.
Welcome to a new type of “on-the-job” training. You could have your workplace teach you lots about you. Every task you perform, every person you work with, each customer … is a potential source for discovering something new about yourself. What would it be like if you decided to learn and grow from everything that happens at your job?
Pride of Ownership
One key is to take personal responsibility for the results you get. Even if your boss or coworkers aren’t taking responsibility for theirs, the advantage of you doing it is that you’ll continually develop strengths that you’ll take with you. Collecting a paycheck is fine; why not collect two?
The Meaning of Your Communication
For instance, who is responsible for your communication? The ultimate meaning of our communication is not what you think it means. It has everything to do with the response you get from the other person. This response, and the affect it has, could be entirely separate from your intended message.
You may intend to pay someone a compliment, and if they take it the wrong way, what can you do about that? Would it make sense to argue that they should just take it as a compliment and chill out? Perhaps a better approach is to notice that for them to receive it, somehow, compliments must be delivered differently.
Choice Is Better Than No Choice
As we increase our awareness of how we produce responses in other people, we will have additional choices. If we’re triggering an unintended response, rather than writing that person off as volatile, cranky, and annoying, remain curious and understand how it happens. The trigger may be as subtle as tone of voice or certain facial expressions; these non-verbal cues say much more than our words. Asking for and understanding feedback is a great way to accelerate growth.
If you shift your attention from how frustrating it is for them to misinterpret you, and focus instead on how interesting it is that your meaning is being lost on them, you’ll soon discover what you can do about it. Shifting your attention to where you have choice — how you operate, not what they’re doing — sets up a pattern for yourself of looking inward whenever adversity knocks (or bangs).
A famous definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Sharing Power in Communication
Communication, like driving in traffic, is a cooperative system. If the other person goes on a tirade for no apparent reason, simply marvel at how you have such power to influence others.
If you’re producing an unintended result, bypass frustration: step back, remember your goal, and then gain perspective on how you are getting that result. When life’s an experiment, you can try different ways to move with the other person to achieve your goal. With time, this investment in yourself can yield dividends far beyond the basic monetary rewards of employment.
