How to bring out the best in others
By Daniel Robin
Previous article talked about the cultural revolution taking place in most work environments. Hierarchical “command and control” management practices are giving way to more collaborative, fluid and dynamic structures. Why? People naturally perform better when their work environment matches how they like being treated.
The challenge of letting go of control and authoritative practices is that few people know how to manage the transition. There’s fear and skepticism around change anyway, so this just adds to the confusion.
The management task is to let go of control in favor of new structures and accountability agreements. To assist people in using structures and forming clear and complete agreements, many organizations are using cross-functional teams and providing training in coaching skills.
The eight essential elements described below comprise a short-course on how to bring out the best in others. As you practice and apply these coaching skills, they become a part of your natural communication style. Employees and co-workers feel more intrinsically motivated and in charge, have increased commitment to upholding agreements and to doing their best.
The result is increased self esteem and confidence for them, with less effort for you. As coach, you’ll get more done through cooperating with others and you won’t have to come up with all the answers yourself!
Note that these essentials are listed in order of necessity; each skill builds on the previous. You probably do most of these skills most of the time. To help you recognize which of them are your strengths, and where you might be able to improve, I’ve also included how not to do the skill.
Be present: Before coaching someone, pay careful attention to the signals that indicate rapport. The more you can be present, the better you will be as a coach. It would be a mistake to push through resistance or to coach when you are distracted. Instead, being present means being on their agenda, available to what they’re up to, able to let them know you understand their situation, challenges, resistance, fears, etc. Like rapport, this element is foundational to all others.
Clear Goals: Assuming that you and the client are clear on what’s wanted would be a mistake. Set clear immediate goals and long-term direction with “What do you want?” and “How will you know when you’ve got that?”
Ask vs. Tell: Giving unsolicited advice is not only disempowering, it’s unnecessary. Resist the temptation to “give them a fish;” instead, teach them how to fish for their own answers. If you feel compelled to offer advice, it can be packaged in a way that puts the person fully at choice and in charge. For example, try “I have an idea that you might find useful; mind if I check it out with you?”
Agreements: Unclear or incomplete agreements produce misery and suffering. “Oh, you thought I meant this Thursday!?” This also includes effective agreements for how they want to be coached. Clear agreements can contribute to setting an atmosphere of mutual respect and shared power. Effective coaching turns up the volume on accountability to agreements, replacing the need for “command and control.”
Recognition: Mistake: Fake praise or no praise Skill: look for what it is about this person and their performance that’s praise-worthy; be sincere and generously encourage what’s wanted.
Feedback: Let their mistakes be their best teacher. Live by “no failure; only feedback” and only give constructive suggestions for improvement. Learn to gently confront areas that need attention. Separate the person from the issue. Provide both observation and interpretation so you can openly discuss differing perceptions.
Structure: Instead of allowing fire-drills and chaos to rule the day, design reasonable action steps to reach achievable goals. Structures are for supporting, not burdening, the client. They assist the client to remember their commitments, to systematically assess and adjust priorities, to increase their capacity to focus, and to track progress for on-going learning and process improvement.
Intuiting: The opposite of structure. Intuition is different from opinion or interpretation. Intuition usually comes from a “gut feel” or other body signals. An effective coach knows when to throw away the plan, be pragmatic, and how to politely invade or challenge the client’s assumptions to prevent catastrophe.
Most professionals already possess skill at coaching — they just need to understand how and when to use those skills to build trust with others. Managers, executives and team members that gradually add new coaching skills and distinctions to their interpersonal repertoire can get long-lasting, life-transforming results with anyone.
The ultimate goal is to condition the client to use their own resources when you’re not around. And if you think being coached feels good, check out being one.
